I hate stupid, smelly, nasty couples

I really don't like the whole 'couple' mentality. What is it about being in a couple that makes people lose their personal identities. I mean, before you become a 'couple' you're an individual with tastes, preferences, a personality. How come as soon as you're in a couple you lose those things? Why become an accessory of another person?

This stems from many conversations I've had today. It all began because Heather is home from Philly, with Mike. I love Mike, and I love Mike and Heather together. I think that they're a great couple and are fun to be around. But, I was friends with Heather first. And I think that since I don't see Heather very often (a few times a year, maybe?) it's important that she and I have one-on-one time together. We've been friends for a long time and there are certain things that I can talk about with her that I can't talk about with everyone. We sort of have an 'intimate' friendship...not in a gross way. I can tell Heather about Jon, or about cute guys at work, or talk to her about issues I have with Katelyn. I can't talk about these things with Mike, and I don't feel like I should have to. He doesn't know the history, and I don't feel like explaining it to him. But, every time I've seen Heather lately Mike has been around. He was home for her birthday (which I completely understand), and then for the other weekend Heather was home during the summer. He lives with Heather so when Katelyn, Alex and I went to see her new apartment in Philly he was there. And when Heather came home for Thanksgiving Mike was with her then too. And now Heather's home for Christmas Break and Mike's with her. So, if I want to do ANYTHING with Heather (shop, coffee, dinner, movies...) Mike's going to come too.

And I think that's stupid. If I want to hang out with Mike I can call him personally and invite him up to see me, right? But no, I can't. Mike and Heather, as a couple, come together in a package. And I sort of resent that. I want personal time with Heather. Heather's my friend and I should be allowed to do stuff with her, just the two of us. I'm not saying that we need to sit alone in a dark room together and stare and TALK intensely. That's weird. But some Becky/Heather bonding time would be nice. But, with recent developments, I fear that I might never have time with JUST Heather ever again.

And again, I repeat, that I don't dislike Mike. I REALLY think he's great. But if I want to hang out with Heather, that doesn't mean I want to hang out with Mike too. And I don't think I should HAVE to hang out with Mike in order to hang out with Heather.

So, I was talking to Rebecca about this. Saying that I was annoyed that Heather never does anything by herself anymore and that Mike is always around. And she, being in a relationship herself, completely understood! She said it was natural for couples to become little 'all or nothing packages' and that I shouldn't say anything to Heather about the situation for fear of upsetting her. And then, as I became obstinate, Rebecca continued and said that this is just the beginning and that eventually all friends in couples will only hang out together and all single friends will hit-the-town together...and that eventually friends will lose touch and it'll be OK.

Well, I'm not really OK with that. I value my friends a lot and the idea of the coupley ones not spending time with me or talking to me because I'm single SUCKS. I mean, aren't friends forever and not just until some guy/girl comes along?

And then I talked to Michelle about it because I started to get really upset (I mean, I wasn't talking about it but I was sitting at my desk almost tearing up) and she agreed. She said that if I was in relationship I would do the same thing and that it's normal to want to spend all your time with that one special person. I don't know. I don't like to spend all my time with anyone.

At lunch, we talked about the topic for a bit. My friends from work on my side, which gives me hope.

I won't ever forget about my friends because I'm in a relationship. And I don't think my friends should forget about me either.

What if I really do end up alone?

Anyway, besides that, things are going well. Almost 1 week til apartment move in! I purchased a really nice quilt set at target, which I'll post a link to later. And, Christmas with the fam went well...

I'll just write more later.

Officially moving in

I went over to my NEW apartment tonight and paid my deposit and first month's rent. And I got the keys.

I'm officially moving in!
It was nice talking to the roommates and even though I asked a few times they really don't need me to bring anything. I'm bringing my bar table though :) They seemed happy about that.

Ugh. I'm TRYING to post pictures that I took tonight but it's not working.


OK, just kidding. If I post the pictures, without editing them, it'll work. They're just going to be blurry. Oh well.

(the livingroom)

(the diningroom/Jamie's room/the livingroom from afar)

(the kitchen/my roommate Larry)

(the hallway leading to my room/Larry's room/the bathroom/hall closets)

(Entering my bedroom)

(Another angle of the bedroom, which, measures 11 x 15.5 feet)

(A view of Manhattan from the subway in Astoria. NOTE-this is not my subway stop, but I just thought it was pretty and since no one really knows what Astoria looks like...)

(Another view of Manhattan from the subway in Astoria)

ANYWAY...VERY EXCITED AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW! I'm looking into getting movers to move my nightstand, dresser, desk, bookshelves and bed headboard...I know it doesn't really make financial sense but I HATE MOVING furniture, esp. with my mom and David...it's horrible. I think it's worth the money to have peace of mind.

Also, I talked to Ashlee today who's back in the states for vacation from teaching in Mexico. She might come to NYC this weekend with Jon and Dave (I mean not come WITH them, but meet up with us and stay over

I HAVE AN APARTMENT!

So, I FINALLY, found an apartment! I found out the news this morning and have been calling everyone/e-mailing everyone I know to tell them the story!

Basically, I replied to a bunch of craig's list ads on Tuesday. And I got a call Tuesday night, while I was out to dinner with Kate, from Jamie. I talked to Jamie on the phone that night for 25 minutes or so and we got along really well. And she invited me to come look at the "place" Thursday night. Thursday night it snowed and was cold but I trudged over there anyway...and now I'm really glad I did!

The apartment is the third floor of a house on 45th St. in Astoria.

View Larger Map

Or more specifically:

View Larger Map


It's 1 block from the 46th St. Subway stop on the R, V and G lines (very convenient to get to Manhattan/to work). The room for rent, MY ROOM, is the biggest bedroom in the apartment. IT has a view of the Manhattan skyline (so pretty), and its own walk-in closet AND half-bath off of it (which'll be so nice for getting ready in the mornings and just in general)! The roomates, a guy and a girl (not dating, named Jamie and Larry) are really funny and cool. Larry graduated in '06, and Jamie just graduated in May and they're friends from college. So...I e-mailed Jamie this morning to tell her I really liked the apartment and that I thought she and Larry seemed cool. So...she e-mailed me back and offered me the apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I called her back a little while later and we talked and I'm going over there on Tuesday to pay first month's rent/deposit. AND THEN I WILL OFFICIALLY HAVE THIS APARTMENT!!!!!

I can't believe this is working out so well.

Actually, now I'm kind of scared something bad will happen to take this away. Hopefully not.

I have to do some shopping, which, since I shop all the time anyway and love to shop, is fun news! I have major organizational issues, so I want to buy some shelves and hanging-things and stuff so that I can be organized in my new apartment from the beginning. I would like to get: a shoe organizer for the bottom of my closet, some type of desk (I was thinking of getting a small flat table and then buying a set of plastic drawers separately to put under the table to serve as a makeshift desk. This way, since the apartment is a third floor walk-up, it's one less heavy thing to carry up when I move in), and some type of clothes-hanger-organizer thing (like a double hanger set so you can hang more than one shirt/pair of pants on each hanger). Since I'm getting a queen sized bed also, I need new sheets/comforter. What color should I get? I was thinking of green or purple or red.

So I have a lot of planning to do! I'm going over on Tuesday to give Larry my deposit, so when I do that I'll measure the room and take pictures of the apartment and post them up here. I hope they don't think I'm crazy...
"Now that you've agreed to let me move into the apartment, let me take pictures of the place and measure it..."-awkward.

:D:D:D:D:D:D

Very Full

So, I feel very full at the moment.
This might be because: I had a big snack right before dinner (my mom offered!), I've been drinking a lot of water today, I have my period and have been eating a lot in general, I drank too much last night and might still be kind of hungover...?

That being said, I've had a very good weekend. Like I posted on Friday, I got a ticket to go see Kristyn in Honduras which is super, super, super exciting news! I am so thankful to my mom for helping me out with that. I am very lucky in some respects...I was able to tell my mom I wanted to go on this vacation and using her air miles she just got a ticket for me. I doubt vacation planning is as easy for many people. Now, in the upcoming months, I can research and have fun preparing for the trip! I wonder if I have to get any shots?

Saturday, I went shopping with Katelyn. I needed to get a gift for my holiday party tomorrow, and a gift for David, Josh, Kate and the rest of my mom's present. So, Katelyn and I hit up Norwalk and went to Barnes & Nobles, Best Buy, TJ Maxx, Kohls, the liquor store (not for holiday presents hehe) and probably some other stores I can't think of right now. I wore my new coat even though it was kind of warm outside and I was getting a bit sweaty. I wanted to wear it! I was able to get a $10 B&N gift card for my holiday party and another $25 B&N gift card for David. I looked at Best Buy for 'Family Guy: Season 5' on DVD for Josh but it was $$$. So I used their display computers to look up amazon.com, and realized that it was cheaper to buy it online. I feel kind of weird about using Best Buys' computers to do online shopping somewhere else...but oh well! I mean, I didn't BUY the DVDs online while I was at the store. And, I got a winter hat for myself at TJ Maxx. It might be funny looking, but it's warm and was cheap.

Then last night, I went into Astoria for my 2 Chanukah parties. IT WAS A LOT OF FUN :) I really miss going to parties like that all the time, like I did in DC. The first party was at Erin sister's house, Mara, and was pretty low-key. There were about 15 people there, we made some latkes, some people played Rummikub, Miriam and I had a few vodka cranberries-fun! I really like Erin's family and friends. They're SO nice and welcoming. I feel like I've known them for a really long time and as I'm trying to make a group of friends in the city I appreciate their hospitality very much. And I feel like they appreciate my quirks and I can just be my dorky self around them.

Miriam, who works with me, came out with us for the first time since I've been at JNF. It was really nice to spend time with her outside of work. I mean, we've gone shopping together before but not to parties or anything like that. She's a lot of fun and really silly. Debbie and her brother Jason, and a few other people from work came and met us at Mara's later and then we headed off together to Gabby's party. Gabby's party was more crowded and by the time we got there we were all sort of drunk and pretty funny. The subway took a long time to come so we drank some of my vodka out of the bottle...

Anyway, we took control of the ipod and danced in a big circle and sang-LOUDLY. I guess it was preparation for the holiday party...? Except not really because I probably shouldn't drink that much since the CEO, CFO, COO, my boss and a lot of other important people will be there. Maybe I'll set a limit of 3 drinks or something for myself. It IS open bar so I kind of HAVE TO drink something, right?

I felt last night, for the first time in a little while, like I have a little group of friends in New York. And that's a great feeling :) I really like the people I've been meeting lately. They don't compare to my friends from college, of course, but they're fun!

I don't think this entry reads well because I'm tired and slightly hungover still and have my period and am just distracted. But, that was my weekend in a nutshell.

GOING TO HONDURAS

YES. I AM GOING TO HONDURAS June 7th-June 14th, 2007!!!!!!!! Well, technically I'm flying into San Salvador cuz Kristyn told Michelle that she's closer to that airport than the one in Tegucigalpa...but whatever. I am going to see Kristyn and celebrate her birthday with her and I really couldn't be happier! I was talking to K in Gchat on Tuesday and I was thinking about how I missed her and wanted to go to Honduras/somewhere on vacation...not that I have vacation days YET but anyway. So, I thought that maybe I could save up money over time and get a ticket, or have my mom buy a ticket and then I could pay her back in installments so I could go sooner than later. And then, when I casually mentioned the idea to her, she told me that I could use her air miles and tonight while I was downstairs watching TV waiting to go shopping with Katelyn she called me up to her room and TOLD ME that she'd GOTTEN ME A TICKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, she'd asked me for the dates I was interested in going and for the airport I'd want to fly into and she said she'd look into it but I didn't expect such fast results!
I'm SO happy and I have something tangible and REALLY exciting to look forward to!

And, to top it all off I got a FABU new winter coat tonight AND I'm going to two Chanukah parties tomorrow night! AND having my office's holiday party on Monday! Things are looking up...

Not that they were ever really looking down but routine isn't really great for me. I like spicing my schedule up!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Thinking about dating...sort of

Wow, it seems like everywhere I go this week people are talking about dates and dating. It's weird, or maybe normal and I'm the weird one. I think it's more probable that I'm the weird one. It seems like dates get set up everywhere: the mall, walking on the street, on the subway, at the grocery store. It seems like it's pretty easy to "score" a date.
My sister, went on a date recently. My mom told me this morning, really randomly while we were watching TV, that when I'm looking for a 'life partner or husband' (does that mean she thinks I'm a lesbian?) I should try to find someone with a generous spirit. As opposed to all those selfish bastards I'm dating now? Now, I'm watching one of my new favorite shows 'Samantha Who?' on abc.com and in the episode Samantha's mom is trying to set her up on a date (For the record, even though she's cute and funny and has a job and everything SHE doesn't care about going on dates either! She also has amnesia...whatever). Monique, the "out there" Australian girl at work gets asked out all the time. And she's "out there" and has weird hair.

Is dating, or being in a romantic relationship, some BIG thing? I have plenty of other stuff to do, dating just doesn't fit in!

Anyway, besides that rant, things are going OK. I had a stressful 'why can't I seem to find an apartment' night on Thursday and then I woke up with tightness in my chest on Friday. Which is freaky anyway, but moreso if you don't have insurance and don't want to pay $100+ to go to the doctor. But, it's gone now.

Things at work are good as usual. In TWO WEEKS I complete my 3 month trial period and will get my benefits!! I'm excited! We're having our office holiday party on the 10th so that's something to look forward to. AND my boss will be out of the office Monday-Wednesday, which means if I want to I can take a bit of a longer lunch break and tell my friends that it's ok for them to come to my desk to talk to me.

National Novel Writing Month is over, and I didn't finish my novel :( but, I did get to almost 35,000 words. If you want to you can read what I've written here:http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/221641
I'm going to keep working on it though, esp. since I should have more free time at work next week. It's just been hard writing since my computer's power cord is shredded and I'm waiting for the new one to be sent to me. It should be here next week, hopefully?

I'm going to look at two more apartments tomorrow...if it DOESN'T snow. I completely forgot about snow and how inconvenient it can be. Though, since I'm in the northeast this winter, it shouldn't be as big a deal because they have street plows and things like that. Not like DC. The apartments sound nice...but we'll see. I feel like I should write a book about my apartment-hunting experiences. I've met some WEIRD people and seen some WEIRD places. The girl from the apartment I liked last Sunday hasnt' gotten back to me-bitch. I just e-mailed her and we'll see what she says. Kate says that probably means she doesn't want me as a roomate. HOW DARE SHE?!

Josh is picking me up in half an hour and we're going to do a little shopping and then go to the movies. I need some sweaters at Kohls, want to pick up a few books at Barnes & Nobles for holiday presents. He wants to go somewhere and get lunch, though I dont' really feel like paying for lunch today. We'll see...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

It's been a bit too long since I posted in here-whoops! I guess I've been busy and working on my novel so I can justify my absence. But, I'm going to make more of an effort to post in here during the week so that I can keep up.

Well, since I posted last a few things have happened. First of all, I'm still looking for an apartment in Astoria which is taking up my Sundays. I haven't had time to go look at apartments during the week because of: holidays or guests or doing things after work (going to plays or over peoples' apartments etc.), so the past two Sundays I've driven in to Astoria (it's only an hour drive from my house) and looked at apartments. So far, no dice. But, I'm looking at 4 apartments, maybe 5, again tomorrow so maybe something will come up? It's actually kind of fun looking at places. In Astoria, there are so many different KINDS of apartments that it's interesting to see building architecture and neighborhood dynamics. Some of the apartments I've seen are HUGE, set up in old buildings on quiet, residential streets. Other apartments have been smaller and more modern, in very commercial areas. And, all of the people whose apartments I've seen are diverse too. One pair of roomates were in their 30's, one was Jewish and one was chinese. Another pair of roomates was from California and very laid back. Two girls were from Connecticut and very prissy. Interesting. I really want to find something soon so I can start to do more fun stuff after work (I get asked to go for drinks or out to dinner sometimes after work and I can't go because I have no ride home from the train station, or because it's too far from Grand Central and I'd end up getting home at like 12 or 1 which is too late if I have to get up at 5:30 every day), and so I can end this 'college is finished' transitional time. I feel like everyone else has completely moved on after finishing college, and I have moved on too. But I don't feel like my 'moving on' is complete since I'm still living at home. It's not the same. And, I'm looking forward to decorating a room and having guests come and really LIVING in New York! It's going to be fun!

Second of all, I'm still working on my novel. I'm a bit behind though...But I have 30,000 words! It's fun working on something and being creative. My job isn't very creative so I find that I want to be creative all the time now. Before, when I was working on papers or studying for tests or interning I didn't have the energy to draw pictures or make collages or write for fun. In college, I wanted to spend time with my friends if I had down time. Or I had errands to run in between working on things for class. Or I had laundry to do or whatever. But now that I don't have homework, or errands to run really, and I just kind of sit at a desk all day, I am always doodling or wanting to work on my novel. So, my novel is still about a girl who just graduated college. She has graduated, moved back home, is kind of looking for jobs but not really, and might start dating this guy from high school that she ran into. I need to develop some type of plot twist right now since nothing is really happening but...no pressure I guess. I've already accepted the fact that I won't finish the novel by Nov. 30th but I'm proud of myself for trying and doing it anyway.

Third of all, I had guests last weekend!! Michelle, Melissa and Rainu came up to NYC last weekend :) I can't believe it was a week ago already...weird. They came up Thursday night and picked me up at work. Except, they typed my work address wrong into Melissa's GPS so...they were TWO hours late to pick me up. I was just sitting at my desk...everyone else had left the building except for the building maintenance guys. They were like 'Um...is everything OK?' thinking I was running away from home and deciding to live at work. I mean, I DID have a sleeping bag with me and food and a full backpack.

We went out to dinner near Penn Station, at this empty but really delicious Italian restaurant. Then we went for a drink and went back to my step-dad's apartment in Brooklyn Heights (where we all stayed). Rainu took the train back to NJ so that she could spend the night with her family. I woke up and went to work Friday til 1 and then met Melissa and Michelle near Times Square for lunch. We went to this brewery (of course) and I had the most delicious pumpkin spice beer! I don't even LIKE beer but I REALLY liked this beer. Then we did some shopping at Macy's and H&M and went to 2 of the shadiest bars while we waited for Rainu to take the train into NYC from NJ.

Long story short, we ended up getting hit on by a group of 8 Irish carpenters. We got free whisky shots, I got a kiss on cheek, we all were creeped out and then we left to meet up with Rainu. We went back to my step-dad's apartment, got ready, and then met up with Lana, Kelsy and Wes (Michelle's friends) for dinner at a Cuban restaurant near Grand Central.

The restaurant was really nice inside and we had DELICIOUS Sangria. I'd heard a lot about Kelsy and Wes from Michelle, Caitlin and Marilyn so it was nice to finally meet them. They were REALLY nice and funny. Wes works in music publishing (jealous) so we were talking about music and just telling stupid jokes. People's boyfriends/girlfriends always end up really liking me. I wonder what it is...
But, it was nice to talk to Wes about music because I feel like I don't get to talk about music to any of my friends. And last year, I got used to talking about music news or new CDs at my internship...now I don't have that outlet anymore.

After dinner, we met up with Michelle's friend from home, Barbara at this "frat party" type bar in Tribeca. The bar was too dark and too loud and too small but Melissa, Rainu and I danced and had fun while Michelle caught up with Barbara. Michelle's other friend, Sarah, and the guy she's dating, forget his name, met up with us. It was nice to meet Sarah, also, because I'd heard a lot about her from Michelle. And yes, she is just as beautiful in person, and just as nice as Michelle said. She's the type of girl you wish you hated. Or maybe, it's just me.

After an hour or so in the not-so-nice bar, we went and caught a cab uptown (which took 45 minutes-why?!?! I don't know) to 55 and Lex. (right near where I work!) and went to a beautiful, trendy, everyone-was-on-cocaine bar called 'Oza' or something like that. It was moroccan styled with hanging lanterns, rose petals on the carpets, hookas set up, satin sheets hanging from the walls. It was the most beautiful club I've ever been in in my life. We stayed there til 2 or something (well, Michelle left and went to go meet up with Barbara and spend the night at her apartment), and then took a 2 hour voyage back to Brooklyn. I don't understand the NYC Subway at all. We got home at 4:15, woke up, had breakfast at 11, and then they all left.

It was really fun having them, but also sad. I miss DC on a daily basis anyway, and they were a reminder of college to me and what my life used to be like. So, they made me miss DC more. And they were talking about all the clubs they've been to lately and all these funny stories...which made me sad. I used to be a part of those funny stories, and now I'm not. But, we had a lot of funny times ourselves over the weekend so that'll tide me over til I can see all of them again. It made me miss the people that weren't with us too like Kristyn, Julia, Giuliana, Marilyn, Gerardo, friends from study abroad...

And, what else?
Work is still going well. Though, last week my boss told me that my friends can't come and stand around my desk as much anymore because it looks 'unprofessional'. Damn. I understand what she's saying and it probably ISN'T professional for the receptionist to have people just standing around talking at their desk, but, I like talking to my friends during the day!! Oh well-she can't take lunch time away from us!
I'm getting a little more responsibility, managing some employment lists for the HR dept., keeping track of donor records, helping set up conference calls and stuff. I like it :)
Tonight, I'm actually going in to Astoria to a "get together" at my friend Gabby's apartment and then sleeping over at my other friend Erin's apartment. Wednesday, 6 of us are going to see a play called "Dai" after work that we got free tickets to. We're gonna do dinner/drinks beforehand. It should be a lot of fun. :)

Oh, and the title of this entry: Thanksgiving. Well, Thanksgiving was a good time. My sister DID end up coming home, so it was nice to have her. We watched some of "The West Wing" (I'm trying to get into it) and just talked and had fun. On the actual DAY of the holiday, we went up to my Aunt's house (as usual) where I proceeded to have two glasses of wine, a full plate of food, two pieces of pie-a lot to be thankful for. My cousins' and I played 9 rounds of scattegories which was pretty hilarious. Letter 'B' for car category:BIG suv. I dont' think so Andrew.

I got calls from friends and text messages and e-mails. I was well feed and am happy with my job and will probabl find an apartment soon. In a city of my choice. I'm saving money, having fun, relaxing, reading, writing, playing with my cats, shopping, eating well. I have a lot to be thankful for.

FOR KRISTYN

HI KRISTYN! I think you're the only person that reads this. I miss you and I hope you're feeling better. I was trying to think of a good quote or poem or something about friendship and sticking hard things out and then Jimmy Eat World 'The Middle' came on so I made this instead. Love you!!

-Becky

Inter-Office mail

My first piece of inter-office mail at work came from Michelle. And it came on November 1. The day before, Halloween, I had candy on my desk to celebrate. So, throughout the day, about 80% of the people in my office came to my desk to pick up some candy corn or peanut butter cups. When Michelle came to my desk, she noticed that I had a metal bin on my desk.
She asked me if it was for mail.
'I don't get any mail,' I told her.
'Why not?'
'I don't have any reason to get mail.'
The next day I received an 'anonymous' piece of inter-office mail, from Michelle, with a drawing that said 'Becky <3's JNF'. It was adorable and really sweet of her.
I worked on something to send back to her: 3 post-it drawings (one of a circus, one of a pirate ship...and the third one I can't remember) in a HUGE envelope.
While I was working on my return gift for Michelle I sent Debbie a card that said "what a cool chick" with a little chick made out of post-its on it. And I sent Miriam another inter-office mail card with a sheep made out of scrap paper.
Miriam brought down a sign with my name on it to lunch one day and I immediately hung it on my desk.
Debbie inter-office mailed me a post-it with 'ghetto' looking flowers on them. That 'ghetto' is her phrase, not mine.
So I came up with the idea to draw a REAL ghetto flower and mail it back to her. My 'ghetto flower' was wearing grills, holding a pimp juice goblet, sporting a band-aid under his eye, a few chains with ice on them, some baggy pants and timbz.
Then, Erin was having a bad day at work so I drew her a post-it picture of 'calming things' and handed it to her as she was leaving the office on Thursday.

This is what I do at my job. I mean, I also print out letters that need to be mailed and then make envelope labels so the letters are mailed in an official, nice-looking, JNF way. I answer the phones and look up donor information for my boss. I go to lunch and chat.

And I chat a lot more now. My desk has become a chatty place. I have the usual visits from people when they're getting their coffee on the second floor. I also now have random people who work in the building like the director of the womens' campaign (who ( hear is a big bitch and who for some reason likes to talk to me) and the guy who coordinates all of our mailings. The interns like to stop and tell me what's going on with them too. I guess I'm easy to talk to. I guess I'm fitting in-YAY!

So that's what's going on with work.

In other news, I don't think I can go to any more concerts because I'm: too old, too "not scene" and too "I don't like the smell of pot/pot being blown in my face". At the Motion City Soundtrack/Anberlin/Mae concert I went to last night with Katelyn I had an OK time but not as fun of a time as I usually have. Normally when I go to concerts I get REALLY excited beforehand and leave feeling very happy. Last night I was just irritated by all the kids making out literally 2 inches from me and all the kids smoking joints next to me and blowing the smoke in my face. I mean, if you're going to smoke pot in a public place fine, but BLOW up or smoke in a group a.k.a. not right next to people who aren't smoking. I left the concert smelling like I'd gone swimming in a bong.

I guess there's more stuff going on but I don't really feel like writing anymore.

Some pictures

These are some pictures that I took on my sister's apple laptop right before we went out for my birthday celebration last weekend :)

(I look like Jay Leno!!!)

(I look like a gargoyle or a griffin about to take flight!)

(yes, I'm smiling BRIGHTLY on purpose)

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

I titled this entry "The final countdown" because that is my new cell phone ring tone!! Every time my phone rings (5 times today) I laugh and blush and then laugh some more. But I also titled this entry "The final downtown" because a few exciting things are coming up so, in a way, my life is like one big countdown right now.

Countdown 1: Getting an apartment in New York City (I would call it "the city" but I realize that only people from the northeast, or more specifically Fairfield county, New Jersey, and Southern New York state call it that). I finally went and visited Astoria, Queens with Debbie and Gabby on Friday. They both took off of work on Friday, so after I got off of work early and did some shopping, I took the N train into Queens and met them. We lunched on delicious Greek food (what else would one eat in Astoria?) for a few hours and had some funny and informative conversations. Then I hung out with Debbie for a few hours at her apartment before we headed off to Erin's for her Halloween party. The decorations/food at the party were GREAT. There was punch served out of a bowl with a toilet seat lid, spider webs hung all over the ceiling AND deviled eggs to eat!! Considering I was a deviled egg (again) for Halloween I found the snack to be very appropriate! And, it was very enjoyable to have a full Friday. I miss being busy with friends like I was in DC. I miss having weekends full of options. I miss partying and dancing and walking around in a city. I miss having a real social life...
So, now that I've toured Astoria and decided that it fits me, I'm counting down to finding an apartment there and starting my real, adult-life. I do not deal well with transitional times and unfortunately I'm in the middle of a 5-month long transitional time. I'm counting down so that this floating, location-less, almost purpose-less phase of my life will end! I feel like I've paused my life and I'm ready to press play again.

Countdown 2: NaNo WriMo starts on Thursday! NaNo WriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month.

************This is from the website:
National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and—when the thing is done—the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children.

In 2006, we had over 79,000 participants. Nearly 13,000 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.*****************

So, that's my second countdown. My friend Rebecca told me about NaNo WriMo last year because she participated in it. And my sister and I have been talking all year about doing it. I wonder how it'll turn out...? My novel is going to be about life after college. How people transition, what it's like looking for a job, what it's like looking for an apartment etc.

Countdown 3: I'm seeing my friend Brandon for the first time in almost TWO years this Friday! He's coming to NYC to see a concert with his girlfriend so the plan is for me to go meet up with them, somewhere in Manhattan, when I get off of work! I really miss Brandon :) It'll be fun to see him and catch up with him!

Countdown 4: Becoming a full, registered, benefits-receiving employee at JNF at the end of December. I want to go to the doctor! I want health care! I want vacation days and personal days!

I guess some people would describe this chapter in life as "exciting" and I definitely do feel excited about. But life seems more inundated than carefree and fun right now. I have so much to take care of before I can relax and enjoy...

MY BIRTHDAY (continued)

I had a good feeling about The Jewish National Fund the morning I went in for my second interview. I liked the building. People said "HI" to me as they walked in and out of the building. I felt comfortable and like I "picture myself" working there.

Now I am working at JNF, and have almost finished settling in, I can say that I am SO happy to be working there. It's great waking up in the morning knowing that I'm not going to work just to make money. I'm going to work to make a difference and affect the world in a positive way.

And I love the people I'm working with. Today for my birthday I received TWO cakes-one homemade and one halloween-themed after my love of the holiday was revealed last week at lunch. I got birthday phone calls from people in the office who couldn't make it down to my desk to say 'HI' in person. More people than usual came down to lunch just so they could say 'happy birthday' to me. I felt like people really cared and like I belonged and it was a really nice feeling. I'm so glad to work with such nice, caring people. I try to look out for other people and take an interest in them so it's nice to know that the people I'm spending the majority of my week with are like-minded.

warm fuzzies

MY BIRTHDAY

So far, my birthday has been pretty good. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't wish it was a year ago...that I don't wish all my friends were with me...that I don't wish I had plans to go out and get REALLY drunk...that I don't wish I had a reason to dress up tonight...that I don't miss everyone and am not sad about how my life has changed in the past few months. All of those things are true. However, the phone calls, the birthday cards, the facebook messages and e-mails have made me feel very special and have reminded me that out of sight doesn't mean out of mind.

I spent the weekend with Kate at her cutey apartment in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn. After a LONG subway ride and some rain (gross) I made it to her neighborhood around 2:00 on Friday afternoon. We had a delicious sushi lunch which tided us over during the rainy and cold walk home to the apartment. Kate prepared some salmon and other food for Shabbat as I napped and then at 6:00 we went over to a dinner "party" that she had been invited to. The "party" consisted of Kate, Ellen (a mom), Man (a dad whose name I can't remember), Shoshana (8), Leora (8), Jacob (6), Kate and I. Hm.

It was certainly interesting to be around kids again...I haven't really been around kids since I stopped babysitting in May. And it's always interesting for me to be a guest in a very observant home where food is Kosher and prayers are ritually said before, during and the after the meal. At any rate, the food was delicious and the company was welcoming.

Saturday, Kate and I slept in and then went for a walk in Prospect Park. It was a beautiful day! I'm not going to complain about the 75 degree weather or cloudless sky...but it is weird to wear flip-flops and shorts around my birthday. That's never happened before. I remember what I wore on my birthday last year-a jacket over a t-shirt with jeans and a scarf. But anyway...

The walk was enjoyable. There were a lot of families and couples out enjoying the nice weather. We walked for almost two hours around the reservoir and the boathouse, through some foresty trails...
Then we went back to the apartment and read and lounged until Shabbat was over. We dinnered while watching the latest episode of "The Office" (awkward. that show is SO awkward) and then got ready to go out!! We did a modified bar crawl through Windsor Terrace and Park Slope. Surprisingly there weren't that many people out but we still managed to enjoy ourselves.

Bar 1: Gin and Tonics gulped quickly in a bar with many men, all over 35, watching a football game.
Bar 2: SoCo Lime shots. A small, intimate bar with a band covering Stevie Wonder songs.
Bar 3: soCo Lime shots (if it ain't broke don't fix it). A New Orleans themed bar, with 15 misplaced men and us. We didn't stay long.
Bar 4: Margaritas! A Tex-Mex themed bar with an outdoor/indoor patio deal.
Bar 5: "Tom Collins" (except they weren't because the bartender though "Tom Collins"' have whiskey and ginger-ale in them-whoops!), Cosmopolitans, Tequila Shots. The bartender was chatting us up, which I enjoyed. The "Tom Collins" and tequila shots were FREE.

We made it home around 1:15, and I was up this morning by 7:45 am. I call this "the double rockstar"-not only going to bed EARLY on a Saturday night/Birthday eve but also WAKING UP early on a Sunday morning/Birthday.

Kate had to leave early to go teach Sunday school, so I was up and out of the apartment by 10. I took the subway up to Grand Central, realized I missed my 11:07 train, and then killed some time in H&M while talking on the phone :)

Josh picked me up, graciously, at the train station and I've spent the past few hours on the phone and cleaning (yeah, cleaning on my birthday. birthdays just aren't what they used to be...). Josh is going to come over around 4:30 to hang out before Nana and Andrew get here to go over to dinner...

I'm going to enjoy this quiet time.

Weekend in DC

This weekend I took a much needed trip to DC. On Thursday when I worked 11 hours, and on Friday when I stayed 3.5 hours extra, I didn't feel like I'd ever make it to DC. As my boss was shouting orders as me, as I skipped yet ANOTHER lunch break, as I was forced to ignore my hunger and just work, work, work I felt like DC was in another country on an another continent across the world. I felt like I had made up my friends who live there and like I had imagined all the fun times that I've had there.

But, finally, 4:30 rolled around and I got to go catch my bus! My bus was supposed to leave at 4:30, but was cancelled and pushed back to 5:30, but was delayed and ended up leaving around 6. I was so anxious! Michelle, who's birthday it was, was calling me and asking me when I thought I'd get to DC because she was organizing evening plans. Jon, who I'd invited along to come out with Michelle (&CO) and me, was calling asking what the evening plans were. There was traffic, there were people fighting in arabic (I think it was arabic), There was a man next to me FILING HIS NAILS (gross!!!! who does that in public?!?!?!)....but finally I made it to DC around 11 pm. I cut in the cab line across from BestBuy in Tenleytown (I know it was wrong but I was in a hurry!) and rushed over to 4200 Cathedral Ave. where Michelle is staying with Farhad. Gerardo, Esteban, Maribel, JP and a few others were there drinking (Whiskey and Coke of course) when Jon (Jon met me in front of the building and we walked in together) and I walked in Michelle wasn't there...

She'd gone down to the lobby to meet me. And I had somehow missed her and just walked up with Jon. So much for a grand entrance! So we drank quickly, I got dressed in 3 minutes and we headed out to Dupont and to Citron (where else could we have gone? I mean really). Well, I had a GREAT time. I was trying to teach Jon how to salsa, and was dancing with Esteban and Gerardo. Michelle bought us all drinks and shots (I don't know if she intended to buy us all drinks but she ended up doing it anyway-whoops!), we danced and jumped in a big circle to Mana's "Oye Mi Amor", we laughed, some of us cried (seriously), some of us peed (in the bathroom). After my stressful week at work it was so nice to just relax and let go...at the best club <3

We got home around 3 and went to bed. Saturday we woke up (Michelle, JP and I) and hung out around the apartment. Then Michelle and I went to Ruby Tuesday's where we had the most AWKWARD waiter ever, and to run some errands around Tenleytown. It was just like being in college again...except I didn't recognize anyone anymore. Elliot came and met us so we sat with him while he ate some lunch and looked for some movies at Hollywood Video. It was so nice to see him.

Then we went back to the apartment and watched some 'Heroes' and then Michelle and I walked over to Metro Center so that I could meet up with Jon for the "Light The Night" walk downtown. It was a really silly walk...one of those times where you forget that you're in public and that other people can hear what you're saying and see what you're doing. Oh well! We had a good time.

The "Light the Night" walk was nice. They closed off Pennsylvania avenue, and thousands of people with lit up balloons were walking towards the Capitol. There was a rock band playing, a marching band from a local high school performing and some cheerleaders cheering throughout the walk route to encourage people. Oh, and incase people don't know, "Light the Night" is a charity walk for blood cancers. Jon raises money for it every year because he has a friend who died from Leukemia in high school. So, he raises money and then walks in this walk to honor his friend. I had gone with him two years ago so since I was going to be in DC I thought it would be nice to go with him again.

I'm glad I went. It was so beautiful :) I miss DC architecture so much! And it was nice to have some alone time to chat with Jon too.

After the walk, Jon went home and I went to Dupont to meet up with Michelle, Elliot and Farhad for dinner. I wasn't really that hungry because I was kind of hungover, but the pita and hummus at the restaurant were DELICIOUS so I managed to eat some of that. There's always room in my stomach for pita and hummus. Well, pita and HOMMUS (they spelled it that way at the restaurant). Then we walked across the street to Cosi (I don't care what ANYONE says. I LOVE COSI) and two of Michelle's other friends came and met us and we had coffee and dessert. After that we went home because we were exhausted and I wanted to watch "Knocked UP". Never mind the fact that I fell asleep 10 minutes into the movies...

This morning Michelle and I met Giuliana and Jason (of course) in Dupont for breakfast. We grabbed some bagel sandwiches from COSI (two times in 1 day!!!!!!! ) and met G and J at starbucks where they had, somehow, gotten us an outdoor table for four (right next to an adorable dog too). After about 45 minutes they were ready to go so Michelle and I walked to where my bus was going to leave from. We walked to this "beautiful" park Michelle knew right by Farragut West. For some reason, at 11:45 am on a Sunday, it was full of sleeping homeless men with shopping carts. We sat anyway and talked for a bit and then I got on the bus to go back...

It was tiring to do all this traveling after my hectic week but I was really glad to go down and spend time with Michelle on her birthday! She's been feeling lonely lately, and I have too, so we enjoyed just being in each other's company and laughing about stupid stuff like we used to. I was glad to be there for her on her special day and spend time with her :)

Hopefully I'm in for a SLOW, PEACEFUL, even BORING work week. We'll see

I need to start looking for an apartment soon I think

Thoughts on different things

I've been thinking about a lot of different things lately. About birthdays and friends and my interpretations of peoples' actions. How my feelings, though they're real because they're my feelings, might not be valid and might end up hurting me and other people. What I'm willing to do for other people and what they're willing to do for me.

So, birthdays. Why are birthdays so important to me? How can so much value be placed in a single day that's a copy of a day where something really important happened X years ago.

We're one mistake from being together...

So let's not ask why it's not right...

Ok. That's just a song lyric that I have in my head-surprise surprise. Metro Station-Seventeen Forever incase you're curious and in the mood for some dance-pop-punk music :)

Yesterday was a day that was both good and bad.
In the morning, I was working on name badges for that National Conference next week. I got the section of the of the badges where I had to start typing up and printing out staff badges. I noticed that my name wasn't in the list with the rest of the staff so I went to my boss to ask her about it.

"Oh, I'd been meaning to tell you..." she said.
"You can't go to the national conference. You're a support staff position, an since support staff positions are unionized we'd have to pay you overtime to attend the conference next weekend. We don't have money in our budget to pay you, so you can't attend."

OK. So at that point I was thinking a few things:
1) After all this work, after cancelling plans to go to DC for Michelle's birthday, after having to give my word that I'd be there now I CAN'T GO? what the fuck!
2) Support staff? what does that mean?
3) Will I be able to participate in the office "culture" (i.e. staff conference, office holiday parties, office birthday parties etc.) now, since I'm not a professional staff member?
4) Hm, can I go to DC now instead?
5) Why did she wait so long to tell me this?
6) That sucks! I wanted to see Elie Wiesel speak on Saturday night!

Out of the above 6 options, in typical Becky "the partyer" fashion, I asked "So, next year when it comes time for staff conference, would I be able to go to that?"
"No"

I went out to my desk, not in tears because it wasn't that dramatic, but feeling a little defeated. It's hard enough to start a new job where everyone seems to be so close, in a city where you don't know many people. It's hard trying to fit in. Now I have the distinction in my head between 'professional staff' (about 85% of the people working in my office) and 'support staff' (you do that math)...which labels me in a way that I don't want to be labeled. It's just another little "hurdle" to overcome...

Luckily, at that time, my friend came to my desk and I told her what had happened. She doens't work for JNF but for Media-Watch, an organization that rents building space from JNF on the first floor. She knows what it's like to not go to staff conference...It was nice to have her to commiserate with.

Now for the good from yesterday: Now I can go to DC for Michelle's birthday! And while I'm in DC I'll be able to participate with Jon in the Leukemia Walk that he raises money for every year! And I'll be able to take pictures with my short hair! And...! And...!

And, yesterday I got to have lunch with my crush at work! I started off having lunch w/ Deb, Tara and Alicia. Gabby came out a few minutes later with my crush. He sat next to me and we got to have our first more-than-1-minute conversation since I started working. He's funny but really corny and he has nice eyes. We shall see :)

And, later on in the day my boss called me into her office to tell me what a good job I've been doing in the past 3 weeks. And then Pnina, the assistant to the Israel Emissary, stopped me to tell me that she liked my necklace which led to a discussion about my birthday and how mature I am for my age and how she thinks I carry myself very well. It's always nice to hear compliments!

I don't have work today! So the plan is: lunch with mom at school, going to the bank, hanging out with Josh, doing laundry for my weekend trip to PA! I'm going apple picking for the first time in 6 years!

Pictures from work!

ok SO I finally a) remembered to take my camera to work and b) remembered to take pictures of my office with my camera at work before anyone else was AT work (sounds complicated doesn't it?)

So here they are!
(walking up the stairs from the first floor entrance area)
(go up another half flight of stairs and you're here: the second floor reception area! Go through the door straight ahead and turn left to find...)
(MY DESK!!!!! and my comfy chair!!!! and my phones!)
(look at my three phones, and all the different extensions and information i need to know for when people are calling! but my board is pretty :))

(right behind my desk is the coffee machine and fridge! and the door just past the stairs on the right = Avinoam's office or the reason I hear Hebrew all day long)



(The view from my desk. The crap? because our conference room is being painted. The desk across is Dhurata's <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiknuGqkuAiqC3WcXMWu7pkoxp7byCnPOF2KshiaRwQ0O5JTnOwJ7xBxkHUYVN83plTcOkdY9YfQ9Pa7JhlO1dZetZIw-vFBJ6QudU5Bykx85PyscYNJU32trhilZU0oTrMOr7qu9M534hi/s1600-h/Picture+015.jpg">(back out to the reception area-the other side. straight ahead=the conference room)
(look at the ceiling!)
(look at all the artwork surrounding the beautiful spiral stairs!)
(If you keep going up to the 5th floor you'll find a roof terrace)
(here's one view from the roof terrace! i don't know why this is crooked)

AND THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some somethings

I have a few ideas of new things to post in here:
A letter to my dad, A short story, Quotations I like, Lyrics collages...

The first two won't work right now because I haven't written them yet (woops!).

And neither will the third or fourth ideas...because I can't find any quotations that I really like right now and I haven't made any new lyrics collages in some time.

Just wanted to show that I AM thinking of this blog at least, even if I'm too lazy, on a warm Sunday morning, and too content with reading, and too engrossed in rented movies to make a change to it.

my hair cut <3

I got a new hair cut yesterday: (styled by a professional)

(styled by me)

(from the back-not a GREAT pic but it'll do)

An overwhelming day at work

Today was my big "lunch with the girls" day at work. I was SUPPOSED to eat lunch with Michelle, Debby and Gabby. But, last minute, Michelle remembered that she had a meeting scheduled from 12:30-1:30, so I ended up having lunch with Gabby, Debby, Miriam, Tara and Alicia.

I was a little nervous going into the "meeting" but overall I was really excited to get to sit and talk with people besides the people whose desks are right next to mine. I was ready to breakaway (almost like the Kelly Clarkson song but a little more alto and a little less soprano).

Then, at 12:20 (T-10 minutes til I was supposed to meet Gabby in the lobby), my boss came and hassled me about getting access to her MS Outlook account. She wants me to be able to access all of her MS Outlook files so that I can respond to her e-mails (if need be), check her calendar and access files related to the National Conference which I'm helping her plan. But, for some reason, the IT people in the Rockville Centre office hadn't given me access to all of her files...and I kept calling this one IT guy trying to get him to officially authorize me to see my boss' Outlook files. And he wasn't responding.

So, my boss called Rockville Centre and told me I had to wait to get authorized and finish getting info. from this one list before I could go to lunch. And the phone was ringing off the hook AND all these different guests were coming into the building so I had to find out who they were there to see and get them where they needed to go. All at once. So, I had to call Gabby and tell her I was going to be late for lunch. Which, when you're trying to fit in and seem friendly, is the opposite of what you want to do.

But fine. I got authorized and met the girls downstairs in the building courtyard/patio for lunch. And it was really nice but overwhelming.

I learned: who's nice and who's not (according to them), who to talk to and who to ignore, about the staff conference (apparently there's an annual staff conference in the summer in New Jersey...) and how there was a giant slushie machine with tequila slushies and how the CEO got drunk and was saying inappropriate things to some of the younger employees, about the quarterly birthday parties in the office and how, since I'm the newest employee now, I'm going to be questioned at the next one in front of everyone about my work experience at JNF thus far, about how there are all these rumors about different people in the office having sex but 90% (this is a direct quote from Tara) aren't true, about how all the people in the office are BEST friends (also a direct quote. It's nice to know that everyone in the office is so close, and even moreso since I was invited to lunch and kind of 'initiated' into the group. But, it's also intimidating to know that everyone hangs out so often. I feel even more pressure to be liked and become BFF with everyone. !. Of course this internalized pressure is only to an extent because rationally I know that I can't MAKE anyone like me and that these people at work are either going to like me or not...and all I can do is be myself and hope for the best. I don't have time to worry about what they think of me), and how my BOSS is apparently "salty".

HM.


Even if my boss is "salty" (isn't that an interesting adjective? I don't think I've ever used it) she likes me and that's all that really matters. She can be bitchy to everyone in the office for all I care as long as she respects me and is fair in her interactions with me. I really like her and think she's cool.

After lunch I spent the afternoon formatting labels, speaking with guests that were visiting in the conference room next to my office, answering phone calls, trying to find Alicia so that she could give me a formatting sheet, and eating cake and pickles. I love leftover food! It doesn't make the food any less delicious to know that it wasn't ordered for me and is in fact left from someone else's meeting. Kosher deli pickles in New York City are the best!

I have tomorrow and Friday off for the festival of Sukkot. I'm going to: get my car jump-started, get my hair cut (not sure how yet), go to dinner with my nana, go to happy hour, sleep! and relax :)

Since Friday

I got home from Friday afternoon and exercised my freedom in the form of a two hour nap. I had creases on my face, my cheeks were flushed-it was a good time.

And then, to reward myself for a week of hard work and a meager paycheck, I went to Kol Nidre services. I can't think of a better celebration than fasting, repenting and wearing dress clothes...

I might be being sarcatic.

My nana picked me up at 6:45 and, with a biscuit in my purse, I raced downstairs to her car. I ate the biscuit in the car in a final attempt to stuff myself before sundown. I try this "stuffing" technique every year and it never works. I always find myself hungry by the time evening services are over. Oh well.

The services were short and nice. I noticed girls in short skirts (not appropriate for Temple!), adults whispering throughout the songs (myself included...though my comments were mostly positive asides to my nana), people counting pages (myself included...this is a habit from my childhood that I can't bring myself to break)...it seemed a little forced and FAKE. We all go to High Holiday services to impress and be seen. That might not be the only reason but it's a part of it. And then we pray about how we're humble servants who stand with no false pretenses in front of God...

If that's true, then why did I spent 1 hour picking out my outfit for services? And if that's true then why are the 14 year old girls wearing short skirts and looking around at all the young boys? And if that's true then why is there so much talking going on during services and so much gossiping when we're praying about not gossiping?

I sincerely appreciate what Yom Kippur is about. If I didn't I wouldn't celebrate it. But I have a hard time making myself be meaningful on designated calendar days. I have a hard time giving in completely to the religion and what it calls for. And, it seems like some other people do too.

I might not be ready to perform a self-inventory in the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I might need an extra 2 weeks. I might need a lifetime.

I meant to sit down and think about all the things that had gone on in the past year. I intended to think about all the people in my life I appreciate and make efforts to personally thank them. I had wanted to write out all the sins I'd committed so that I could really SEE what the past year had been like for me. I just didn't get around to it. I started a new job. I spent time with family. I played with my kittens. I read a few books. I commuted...
I lived, in a good way or a bad way I'm not sure, instead of transcending life.

I guess the whole point of the holiday is that it's not about what I want. It's about what GOD wants. And if God wants me to repent, and that's all I have to do to be sealed in the book of life, I should do it.
But I don't know if I believe in God.

Well anyway, I really felt the prayers Friday night when the congregation was reading responsively. I was genuinely glad to run into my mom's friends Lisa and Geoff. My smiles to my nana's friends were real...

Saturday I slept, a lot. I didn't go to morning services...but I never do so I didn't really feel bad about that. I really hate fasting, but after the fact, I feel good about it. I don't know if I believe in God and yet I somehow fear the wrath of the almighty...

I ask myself "what would happen if I didn't fast this year?". I don't bother answering that question. I don't really want to know.

After sleeping in, I read Elie Wiesel's "Night" Saturday afternoon. I wanted to make my Saturday meaningful, even if I wasn't in temple, and I think "Night" helped me do that. I didn't feel quite so sorry for myself when I was reading about Elie Wiesel's year+ in various concentration camps. But I still did feel a little sorry for myself...And then I felt bad for feeling sorry for myself. And then I felt bad that so many Jewish people died for their faith and yet so many Jews now, in the U.S. especially, don't even celebrate the important holidays...

And if they do, why do they? Because their families make them? Because they fear God? Because it makes them feel good (selfish reasons)?

But anyway, it was an amazing book. I think everyone should read at least one account of a holocaust survivor.

I then went with my mom, my Aunt Jane and my nana to afternoon/memorial/concluding Yom Kippur services. The services were, again, short...
I appreciated that as my stomach was rumbling at the time.

How the hell would people like me have survived the holocaust? Could I have?

Sunday I went to the movies/shopping with my mom. Then, to finish off the day, I went shopping with Katelyn. I need to have SOME sort of life besides work, don't I? So what if that "outside of work" life involves buying clothes FOR work?

And today I had a good day at work :) It was the JNF monthly board of trustees/board of directors meeting. I didn't get to go to the meeting or anything...but
I got to check off guests as they came into the building! And I got to eat the food we had brought in for the meeting! And I got to talk to some of my coworkers (the younger ones) which was really nice. I'm all about the human connections.

So I was doing meeting related stuff for two hours and then after that I went to lunch...so I basically did work from 9-12 this morning and then from 3:30-5:30 this afternoon. It was great! I really like my job.

Tomorrow Kate is meeting me for lunch, and Wednesday Michelle (my Israel trip leader who works in my building in the education department) and I are having lunch together!

In conclusion: I tried to be meaningful and make the best of Yom Kippur. I don't know if I did. I don't know if it's because I wasn't as "into" it as I'd been in previous years. Or if it was because I let myself be honest about the whole experience for the first time? Or if it was because I'm a bad person?

Or if it was because I'm a human person. ?.

Maybe in my next entry I'll write the prayer I've been meaning to for the past few years. And then maybe, after I write my next entry, I'll say the prayer. And I'll keep saying it

I guess I have a life now

So, I guess I have an official "adult" life now...which makes it very hard to find the time/energy to update my blog! Shame on me.

I started work on Monday and even though it's only been 4 days I feel like weeks or months or years might even have passed. My days start at 5:45 when I wake up to get ready to be out of the house by 6:45 to be on a 7:00 train to New York. I arrive at Grand Central at 7:55 and get on the 6 subway (heading uptown), which is always, on the downside, crowded, but on the upside, air-conditioned. I take the 6 train 4 stops to 68th Street, grab a free paper, and walk to my office.

My office is located at 42 E. 69th St between Park and Madison Avenues. It's beautiful. I smile when I walk to work because I can't believe it.

The building was a privately owned home in the 1800's and now houses the Jewish National Fund's national headquarters, the JNF's Greater New York office, The Orrom Shalom Institute and Media Watch. Walking up the central, spiral staircase at 8:30 in the morning I look at paintings, photographs, hold on to a wooden railing, am basked in warm, yellow light. By my desk, on the second floor, there's a ready supply of coffee and water. There are always people coming and going. I hear office gossip. I hear people speaking on the phone with their families and friends. I see sun coming in from the conference room next to my desk.

Maybe my office is the home I always wished I had. It's presentable, it's comfortable, everyone's Jewish and proud to be so.

My days go by quickly. I answer phone calls on my THREE "phones" (main phone, cordless phone that's an extension of the main phone, wireless head set that can be used with the main phone), I make copies and type up documents for my boss, I chit-chat with people in the office as they go to get coffee or talk with the office administrator whose desk is 15 feet from mine. I take my lunch break way too late, but so far I always take it in central park. I do a good job and I smile while I'm doing it. I eat leftovers from meetings (all of which are kosher and most of which are bagels or deli sandwiches-how stereotypical, right?). I talk on the phone with the Director of Planned Giving a few times a day as he remotely accesses my phone to get it up and running (he went to M.I.T. and learned how to work with phones there...so he helps out with the phones in our office even though that's not his real job). My boss jokes that he's my best friend.

Could my best friend be a middle-aged, dorky, Jewish guy from Long Island?

I leave work around 5:40 and take the subway down to Grand Central. There are A LOT of people on the subways at this time...

I get the 6:04 train to New Haven stopping in Stamford first (second if you count 125th street. why don't they count 125th street?). Katelyn or Josh or my mom pick me up.

I go home. Eat dinner. Watch TV. Play with the cats.

Then I go to sleep so I can do it all over again. That's my job, basically, as I can best describe it. Sometime when there's not a morning meeting going on I'm going to take pictures of the office and post them on here.

Two more days of freedom

I'd like to say that I'm prepared for my first day of work on Monday. That I know exactly what I'll be wearing. That I know how hard the commute will be. That I'll be able to take on all the challenges my boss will give to me.

But I don't know if I can say any of those things. I'm sure it will take me a long time to get used to waking up at 6 am. I'm sure there'll be a few nights where no one can pick me up at the train station and I'll have to take the bus home. I'm sure that my new job will be challenging, that I'll wonder if I can "do it", that I'll sit at my desk in the afternoon and want nothing more than to take a nap.

Regardless, I'm still excited. I bought my week-pass train ticket yesterday on my way home from Rosh Hashanah services. I've come up with a tentative track listing for a Mix CD I'll play on the 7:05 train from Noroton Heights to Grand Central. I guess I'm as ready as I could possibly be.

So how have I been spending my last few days of freedom? I guess they've been passing by the same way that my first days of freedom did...but with less angst and less uncertainty.

I've been reading a few books ("Slapstick" by Kurt Vonnegut and "The History of Love" by Nicole Krauss), I've been watching more TV than I probably should (Celebrity Rap Superstar, Made, What Not To Wear, Oprah, Dr. Phil), I've been taking naps with my cats (don't judge...), going shopping, mixing a few cocktails (new recipe: orange juice, sours mix, vodka and tonic water), going to Rosh Hashanah services and listening to some new music.

It's been a good week, overall.

Some goals for the upcoming year (I'm going big): To be open-minded in a real way,To be nice in an honest way, To do my best, To ask more questions, To do my own thing and, the biggest of all, To not be afraid.

I don't want to be afraid!

Honesty

I've been thinking about it a lot this past week and I've decided that I don't think honesty is always the best policy.

The reason this comes up is that my sister has adopted a new '100% honesty' policy in her life. The Jewish new year is coming up and she's trying to evaluate how her life is going and I guess she feels that lately she hasn't been honest with herself or with other people about what she needs and who she is. So she's going to change that. So she's going to be 100% honest because, according to her, relationships aren't real and life is fake if you're not speaking honestly, all the time, with everyone, about everything.

This idea of 100% honesty reflects my sister's view of the world as a black or white entity. To my sister you are either honest all the time and 'real' or you're dishonest all the time and fake. I don't think I fall into either of those categories. I am not black or white and I don't see the world that way. I see the world in color.

Now, my sister's decision to be 100% honest doesn't directly affect me as a person. Her decision to be 100% honest doesn't mean that I have to be truthful all the time. But, since I'm participating in a relationship with her, her decisions do affect me. Relationships, as I see them, are based on actions and reactions and since she's acting in a new, different way, then I am now in the position where I have to react in a new, different way. If I am practicing total honesty with Kate, in our relationship, which is one of my most involved relationships, won't that carry over? Will I start being completely "real" with everyone? Can I handle that?

Am I supposed to tell everyone I interact with my REAL opinions of their actions? My real opinions of their clothes? My real opinions of their cooking? My real opinions on...everything. What about their feelings in all of this? I think that I should care about how others respond to what I have to say...

What about compromise? Sure, it's bad to consider other people too much, worry about what other people think of you, worry about how a certain remark you made at dinner went over, worry about how you look to people walking on the street etc. But there's a balance between worrying about others too much and thinking of them/being conscious of them. I don't think it's bad to think of people and try to act on behalf of them. I don't think it's bad to tell someone they look nice when they're having a bad day, or tell your mother you liked the chicken she took a few hours cooking even if you thought it was awful, or support someone even if you don't like what they're doing.

On a personal note: I understand the importance of being honest with people that you care about. I know that I gossip about people, I know that I hold in feelings for fear of upsetting others or causing a commotion, I know that I lie by omission. I think that gossiping and holding in feelings is not an ideal way to interact in the world. But I think it's more important to be honest in the right situations as opposed to being honest in every situation. "Hey nana, I heard you burp at the table. And yes, your story IS boring me"-not ok.

If someone asks me for advice, then I'll go ahead and be honest with them and tell them what I think. They asked for it. If my brother is about to be run over by a bus because he's talking on his cell phone and not paying attention, by all means I'll call him an idiot and do whatever I can to make that accident not happen. If someone makes a racist joke or says something insensitive I'll call them on it. In those situations honesty is supreme and utilitarian.

But I don't think being totally truthful is an ideal way to interact in the world habitually...
It'll be interesting to see how this new rule of engagement with Kate plays out.

I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm having a hard time making sense of it...

I got a job!!!!!!!!!!

I will remember, in my life book-of-dates, that September 6, 2007 is the day that I got my first full-time, contract w/ benefits, job. :) :)

Here's everything I know about the job:
-I'm working at the Jewish National Fund's U.S. headquarters in New York.
-I'm going to be a receptionist/guest-greeter/assistant events planner.
-My supervisor is named Elisa, she's on facebook, she speaks French, is about 25, and is really nice.
-The hours for the job are Monday-Thursday 8:30-5:30, and Friday 8:30-1:00.
-I get all Jewish holidays and all Federal holidays off!
-I have to dress nicely for the job, but not in a suit or anything.
-The office is in what used to be a privately owned mansion on the upper east side. It has vaulted ceilings and a central spiral staircase. There are 5 full floors of offices.
-Because I'm on the mezzanine level of the office, I get to feel the full blast of the AC coming in from the welcome area! Everyone else's offices are stuffy...not mine!
-I start working on September 17th

I think that's it. Time will tell...
If anyone is curious about The Jewish National Fund and what it does:
http://www.jnf.org

Mika

I've been really 'into' the singer Mika lately. I had heard of him but only really got hooked after Katelyn copied his CD onto my personal hard drive.

I don't even know where to begin re: my love of Mika. First of all, he's cute! yay! I know I don't have to SEE him when I'm listening to his CD but an attractive mental image while singing along in the car doesn't hurt. I mean, why else did so many guys used to listen to Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera? Because they sing well (well, not so much Britney...or really, not at ALL Britney) AND are hot. It's all about the 'package'. We, people, Americans, 20-somethings-we need package deals. Forget the cheap airfare, we need a cheap hotel and spa to go along with it.

Ok, the second reason I love Mika is that his songs are just catchy and fun! Sometimes it's important to listen to songs about real issues. Yes, I listen to Bad Religion and U2, I sing along to Tupac and Kanye West. But, when I want to just relax and not think about anything, Mika is my new go-to guy. With all this job-search, finding a place to live, what am I doing with my life, I miss my friends business that's been going on lately I really enjoy having Mika's carefree pop songs to dance to.

The third reason I love Mika is because he has a song about 'big girls' called, surprisingly, 'big girl (you are beautiful)'. Who else has songs about loving big girls? hehehe. See? I'm laughing just thinking about it. And he also has a song about lollipops called 'Lollipop' and a song about a straight man finding out he's gay, "Billie Brown". No one else in mainstream music today is writing songs about these topics-yay for Mika!

So, I've been a busy, busy bee lately. And it's been fun. But I'm ready for a break now. I kind of need to decide what I'm doing with my life...the season of summer road trips has officially ended for me.

I went to DC last weekend and had a great time catching up with everyone. I got to see Julia, Giuliana, Erin, Jon, Rainu, Melissa, Vanessa-what a lucky person I am! I won't go into all the details of what I did, but I will write some trip highlights:

-Dinner Friday night w/ Giuliana, Julia, Adam and Jason . Our waiter was super-awkward, my cherry juice was delicious, and the restaurant where we ate was beautiful inside! I don't know if the food was so great but I'm a fan of atmosphere.

-Taking a walk with Julia on Saturday past the dog park in Arlington, VA. It was amazing to see this huge track of land with just dogs...running around...playing. It was like 'planet of the apes' only with dogs. I guess that would make it 'planet of the dogs' then. Anyway, it blew my mind a little.

-Dinner w/ Rainu, Melissa, Vanessa and Jon on Saturday night at 'Capitol City Brewing Company'. I had this berry beer which was delicious and it was nice to catch up with everyone. It might have been a bit ambitious, since no one knew each other (well except Melissa and Rainu), but I think it went well.

-Saturday night SWING DANCING in Georgetown with Jon and his friend Bryna (who we ran into when we got there-random). I've wanted to go swing dancing for a long time, and to have my dream realized, at the Kennedy Center, a place I love, for free, was just amazing. Jon's not the best dancer ever...so that was interesting...but I taught him a few moves.

-Saturday night sitting in Jon's room on my deflated air mattress and with him wrapped in his comforter just talking for a few hours. I love talking with my friends.

-Sunday, brunch in Dupont with Erin, Jeremy and Jon. I love COSI. I could probably eat their bread every day and not feel bad. Jon and Jeremy were chatting about Georgetown law stuff...aw.

So that was my weekend. I had two interviews in New York yesterday, a phone interview today, and I have two more interviews scheduled in New York for tomorrow. Things are picking up!!

AND, I got to talk to Kristyn yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
What a good week!

My new hair cut

Heather and I last weekend

Who said hand-held mirror pictures were only for myspace?