The past few days...

have been very eventful. Where to begin?
Well, I guess it all began on Thursday night. I got rejected from the job I was really hoping for at Carnegie Hall (via a letter but that's another story). Meanwhile, my sister had looked at apartments on Wednesday and found one that she really like for us and that she wanted me to go in and sign for on Friday afternoon. I was all set to do that and REALLY excited about it. But after I got my rejection letter I freaked out and realized that I couldn't really sign for an apartment the following day because I didn't (and still don't) have a job, and how could I afford to pay for an apartment? When I talked about living with my sister initially I thought FOR SURE that I would have a job by August, esp. because I started applying for jobs in New York in May and have applied to over 80 different positions.

So I called my sister up to tell her this, and she got kind of annoyed, but we hung up with the conclusion that I would go see the apartment on Friday and take it from there.

FFWD a few hours, a few conversations, MANY tears and I realized I couldn't take the apartment... And I had to call my sister and tell her.

That was a very difficult decision to make because I KNEW that my sister was counting on me to live with her. I KNEW that I had told my sisster, reassured HER, that things would be fine once we found a place to live together. I KNEW that my sister needed a place in a few weeks time...
But on the other hand, I also knew that I couldn't spend the money on the up-front costs with no job (first month, last month, one month security, hiring movers etc. = $4,000). I also knew that I didn't want to have to take a job as a waitress or working in a coffee shop to be able to afford an apartment. I knew that I wanted to take time to find a real, entry-level, salary position for myself.

So I called my sister up, again, to tell her this...and what a conversation. She was FURIOUS. My sister has never been FURIOUS with me before. She said some of the most hurtful things that anyone has ever said to me...out of anger for 'fucking her over' and deciding not to take the apartment. That was really hard. She said she might not speak to me for a while and that she won't let me even help her find an apartment for just herself...
But as she said, "She knew I'd fuck her over"... :(

So I couldn't sleep at all on Thursday night, my eyes were red and swollen from crying...but I went into work as usual on Friday. Of course everyone was asking me, "Hey Becky! How are you today?" and I just answered "Oh, I'm well. Thanks"-even though I wasn't. I kept thinking about the decision I'd made and felt so awful. I had to mentally prepare before answering every phone call because I thought I was going to cry. I did make it to 1 pm though, no public tears.

Friday afternoon Katelyn came and picked me up and we went on an 'I don't want to be sitting at home feeling like shit for hurting my sister and having her hurt me in return' escapade to Kohls, Old Navy, GoodWill, the IMAX theater, Dunkin' Donuts-what a day! I stayed out of my house for 5 hours! It was fun. And I got a bathingsuit top for a pair of bathingsuit bottoms I already had and a purse. It was really nice of Katelyn to take me out and help me get my mind off of things. I appreciated it a lot. A LOT.

Then Friday night we went out for Alex's birthday! WOO! Yes, Alex's birthday might be on the 17th, but Heather was only home until Saturday morning so we wanted to fit in a foursome bday celebration. We went to a few bars in Stamford (I was DD and I was actually GLAD that it worked out that way. Emotional me + drinks = not a good idea), Alex got really drunk, Katelyn got really drunk, Heather and I giggled, we ate delish foods at the diner, we all looked REALLY cute-all things considered a very successful evening.

Saturday, I went into the city in the morning with Katelyn (she was going in to meet her Aunt so we took the train in together) and then Jon picked me up at Grand Central. We met up with Dave, Maayan and Dan, did lunch, walked around Central Park, did dinner, did hanging out. When I have low/no expectations Jon is great to hang out with. I hadn't seen him since the bad birthday weekend, but we had a GREAT time just joking around and laughing...
and I l-o-v-e Dave. He's so nice and funny. We were talking about my new favorite show 'Arrested Development' (yes I'm aware that I'm 4 years late on this trend), hehehehe.

I slept over with Jon, Dave, Natalia (another friend of Jon and Dave's who I'd met in Paris last year) and Maayan and then spent most of yesterday in the city as well. I saw 'Ratatouille' with Jon-WHAT A CUTE MOVIE! I'm so glad I saw it! Dan Levy, another Brandeis friend, came and we had lunch and went to MOMA.

I'm just happy thinking about it. First of all, I don't get to spend much time with guys so it was nice to just be around guys, even in a non-romantic way. Second of all, I just love being in New York so that was great. Third of all, I love laughing and after the hours and hours of crying I did last week it was great to just be silly and stupid and laugh. Fourth of all (do people even say 'fourth of all'?), this weekend reminded me that life goes on...even after hard decisions/times.

So, that was my past few days in a nutshell. A very big, multi-paragraph, nutshell.